On the Go Thoughts...

Have you ever felt like something was so long coming that when it finally happened, you weren't sure if it was real? I am SO there right now. And I love it : )

Cloudy, with a chance of extreme confusion...

Okay, sooooooooooo recently, there's been some 'developments' in my life that I'm still working through.  I have been being completely honest with myself and with certain other people in my life.  And while this has been extremely therapeutic, it also comes with its own set of complications.  Timing issues and personal discoveries; self-esteem and 'what-do-I-really-want" confusion.  I just wish that things could be simple... I'm a patient person and I'm willing to wait until timing is right, but it hurts at the same time because I can feel how natural and perfect this is...could be...will be...*insert tense of 'to be' here...help?*  I just don't want to rush or push or make anything more awkward than is necessary.  Then whenever I think or feel that, he says something that alleviates that feeling completely, reaffirming my previous feelings of 'natural' and 'perfect'...this experience has shown me what a 'healthy relationship' is supposed to look like.

And believe me, for anyone who was present for any part of my last relationship, I'm sorry...and if you tried to tell me that it was unhealthy, but I basically told you to shove it, I'm even more sorry (you know who you are...and words cannot express how truly sorry I am for my ostracizing you).  I realize now that I was being controlled, that he knew exactly what to say and how to say it to get me running back to him, feeling bad about something that I did...making me feel about thiiiiiiiiis big *holds fingers maybe a centimeter apart...* and being very successful...

But this...this is different.  and I'm so ready for whatever happens...I've got a feeling something big is on the horizon...now I just have to wait it out.  And I know that I can do it because I know what I want...and that's not changing anytime soon.


Enough emo-sappy rambling...until next time, keep your hands out of your neighbor's noses and make good choices!!

My thoughts are schizophrenic...deal with it...

Okay, so there's one thing that I both love and hate about my life...the fact that I am completely unsure of what'll happen next.  Yesterday, I had my interview with the company and NO sooner had I walked in the door and put my stuff down, my phone rang.  You'll never guess who it was...go ahead, guess...okay, fine I'll tell you.  It was the woman I had just interviewed with calling me to set up my second interview...for today at 4PM!!   Arriving early for this interview, I met with the woman whom I would be replacing (if they give me the job) and after learning much more about the position, I am told that the decision more likely than not won't occur until the end of two weeks from now...i.e. I have to wait ALL of this week, AND all of NEXT week before I know what's up...talk about your "hurry-up-and-wait" mentality...sheesh...

So now I have to look forward to a visit from 2 of my good friends on Thursday, lots of prayers and continued job searching.

I have Cabin Fever like whoa...I'm praying I get this job because I need to start getting out of the house...and soon...I feel like I'm just lounging around in my room all freakin day not doing ANYTHING and I can't motivate myself to do anything because there's nothing to do.  BB and SiL both work most of the time, Madre and Papa work as well, and the majority of my friends are either 1. in another city/state or 2. busy with work...soooooooo here's the pattern, Friends...work is a necessary part of life.  Shocking, I know, right?  But it is true.  I promise; K is speaking truth...

Now if I could only tell ABG how I feel...the only clue to his identity is that he's the guy that I have feelings for.  No other clues will be added, because there's a real possibility he could start reading this and then I'd feel more awkward than is normal for me and my pretty little head would be in danger of exploding... we shall see how events of the next couple months pan out...things could get really interesting or stay exactly where they are...mayhaps someone entirely new will drop into my life and make me forget all about ABG.  We shall see, shan't we?

Until next time, keep the cobwebs out of your brains and make good choices!!
--K

Introductions all around...

So I have been bitten by the blogging bug and decided, in addition to my song-based, thinking-time, want to be heard on a deeper level sometimes blog, I'd have a regular old, run of the mill, this-is-my-life-and-of-you-don't-like-it-go-suck-on-it blogs.  If you are someone who doesn't like these kinds of things, then please, by all means go up a line or so, re-read that description and follow the instructions.  There may be multiple entries a day, there may be none.  It all depends on what I'm thinking/feeling at the time.

Let's begin with an introduction to my personal situation: I'm a 20-something recent college graduate back living with her Parental Units (PU), Baby Brother (BB) and soon-to-be-Sister-in-Law (SiL), 2 dogs, 1 very rambunctious cat and my 2 adorable guinea pigs.  Needless to say, our house is already full to bursting, and to top it all off, in August we are going to be adding one more.  Yup, that's right, K's going to be an Auntie.  And in less than 12 hours from now, I have an interview with a company which will allow me to stick close to home at least for awhile and be able to help out with Baby.  Having been absent, basically, for the last 4.5 years, I really don't want to be that "long distance aunt who doesn't know anything about their niece/nephew."  I want to be involved; 'it takes a villiage...' as they say.  I know sometimes I can be a bit harsh or brash, too sardonic for my own good or the good of others, but I'm trying my hardest to be the best person God can make me to be.  Whenever one of my friends is in trouble and I know about it, I do everything that I can to try to help.  If I don't know about it, but find out about it afterwards, I check up on them to be sure everything is on the up & up for them in the future.

I miss my college friends a lot, but there are certain ones I miss formidably more than others.  They hold a special place in my heart and I consider them family.  No questions asked.  And there are a VERY select few whom I miss the VERY most, one we shall call ABG (the meaning of which I shall leave a mystery) and another we shall call MTD (also to remain a mystery...don't like it, suck on it. You'll live, I promise.)

Anywho, its getting late and I need my beauty rest, so I shall leave you for now.

Until next time, keep your noses clean and make good choices!

--K