Okay, sooooooooooo recently, there's been some 'developments' in my life that I'm still working through. I have been being completely honest with myself and with certain other people in my life. And while this has been extremely therapeutic, it also comes with its own set of complications. Timing issues and personal discoveries; self-esteem and 'what-do-I-really-want" confusion. I just wish that things could be simple... I'm a patient person and I'm willing to wait until timing is right, but it hurts at the same time because I can feel how natural and perfect this is...could be...will be...*insert tense of 'to be' here...help?* I just don't want to rush or push or make anything more awkward than is necessary. Then whenever I think or feel that, he says something that alleviates that feeling completely, reaffirming my previous feelings of 'natural' and 'perfect'...this experience has shown me what a 'healthy relationship' is supposed to look like.
And believe me, for anyone who was present for any part of my last relationship, I'm sorry...and if you tried to tell me that it was unhealthy, but I basically told you to shove it, I'm even more sorry (you know who you are...and words cannot express how truly sorry I am for my ostracizing you). I realize now that I was being controlled, that he knew exactly what to say and how to say it to get me running back to him, feeling bad about something that I did...making me feel about thiiiiiiiiis big *holds fingers maybe a centimeter apart...* and being very successful...
But this...this is different. and I'm so ready for whatever happens...I've got a feeling something big is on the horizon...now I just have to wait it out. And I know that I can do it because I know what I want...and that's not changing anytime soon.
Enough emo-sappy rambling...until next time, keep your hands out of your neighbor's noses and make good choices!!
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